


The Best Birthday

by DoctorTardis394_666



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, But they're not very noticable, F/F, Fluff, I'm getting fucking cavities over here, I'm uncreative, SO MUCH FLUFF, Sorry for the title, Squiddles, They're all 16 or 17, headcannons, how do you tag, sue me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-01
Updated: 2013-07-12
Packaged: 2017-12-16 19:32:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/865766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoctorTardis394_666/pseuds/DoctorTardis394_666
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Feferi decides to give her girlfriend a very special gift for her 17th birthday. (NO not that kind of gift you perverts.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. What is that gift dammit.

**Author's Note:**

> This actually started out as a headcannon that Jade lazes around in Squiddles boxers when she's at home believe it or not. Only two chapters, and any criticism or exaltations are accepted. Thank you. :)  
> Oh and I have no idea how to colour the text for the pesterchum conversations, I'm sorry..... :(  
> I don't have a beta by the way, so please point out mistakes I will love you. :)

Jade stretched out on the couch where she was currently watching The Princess Bride, which she had found while surfing the few channels that she and her brother had access to on their island. In her hand she gripped her phone that she had built herself, which she used to text her girlfriend when commercial breaks interrupted the program. Westley had just reached the peak of the cliffs of Insanity, when some infomercial for a pointless ‘special’ toothbrush holder suddenly came on, featuring a woman who looked like she had just done a bucketload of cocaine. Jade switched on her phone and turned her attention to the device, smiling as she read her significant other’s quirky tyrian purple text. 

CC: Well I ) (ope you’re reely excited, because you’re getting the present w) (et) (er you like it or not! 38D  
GG: oh no how horrible!! I guess ill just HAVE to take the gift then… :P  
GG: just kidding!!! im super excited for the gift!!!! super ----EXCITED!!!!  
CC: Glub! 38D  
GG: when is it coming though? you said sometime this week but what day? i want to be ready when the boat gets out here!  
CC: Nope! it’s gonna be a surprise, it’ll get delivered, I promise!  
GG: okay fine, but those sailors are gonna have a heck of a time finding their way to the house, I hope they make it through the jungle safely.... :(  
CC: Don’t worry clamface, I gave them –EXPLICIT directions! T) (ey s) (ould be fine!!!  
GG: alright, if you say so.....  
GG: anyways, are you sure you wont give any hints to what it is!?!?!? the suspense is killing me over here!! :O  
CC: ) (e) (e, I’m s) (ore! No ) (ints, glub!  
CC: ....I didn’t say you couldn’t guess though...... 38)  
GG: yay alright! weeeeelllll...... is it a stuffed animal?  
CC: Nope!  
GG: is it an awesome surfboard?  
CC: Negatory cap’n!  
GG: :P Is it....... new gardening equipment??  
CC: You’re still in cold waters!!!!  
GG: ugh this is butthard!!! :/ i think ill just wait it out, i cant think of anything else!!!!  
CC: Glub! Don’t worry, I’m s) (ore you’ll love it, or your money back guaranteed!!  
GG: oh no now youre starting to sound like the commercials!!! :O help 911? yes its my girlfriend, shes been turned into a commercial zombie!!!  
CC: Rawrg) (, you’ll get great savings on t) (ese purc) (aces!! Save money and c) (ange your car insurance! Ever tired of ) (aving so muc) ( sun on your patio?!?  
GG: oh no it’s too late!!!!!!! :’O  
CC: I feed off your purc) (aces!! Glub glub!! 38D  
GG: hahaha! oh speaking of commercials, they finally ended!!! westley versus inigo montoya can finally commence!!!! :D  
CC: I glubbing love t) (is part!!! Let’s c) (at again at t) (e next commercial break!! 38) <3 <3 <3  
GG: okay, enjoy the cinema! <3 <3 <3

Jade shut off her phone and gently placed it on the table next to the couch, reaching for her fruit punch after she did so. She sipped the drink as she watched the epic duel commence, and then as Westley left Inigo Montoya to follow his true love, she heard brother fumbling with the doorknob.

“Hey Jake! Did you have fun exploring the ruins?” She shouted, sitting up to look over to the foyer, where Jake was extracting his mud-crusted boots and pistol holders.

“I had a jolly good time! I talked to Roxy while I explored the ruins, and we made up some rip-snorting hilarious stories that we could laugh over when I was resting in a neat cavern! No one else came online, but we had a fun time by ourselves, and we documented some tales for the others that were utterly bonkers, if I do say so myself. Oh, and I let Becquerel out to roam by the way, just in case you were wondering!” Jake exclaimed as he plopped down on the sofa next to Jade, eyes sparkling with merriment. “Oh I do say, is this The Princess Bride that you are watching at the moment?”

“Yup! Glad you had such a great time! Feferi and I are watching the movie at the same time, and pestering each-other during the commercial breaks. Oh and thanks, I’m sure he’ll be back sometime tomorrow!” Jade replied, relaxing upon the sofa once more.

“No problem, and that’s swell, it’s nearly a date! Did she spill any details about your mysterious present?” Jake inquired as Westley and Fezzik sparred and conversed on-screen. Jake already knew about Feferi’s ‘impressive’ and ‘------EXCITING!!!’ gift, because it was all Jade would talk about at dinner the previous night, and breakfast the earlier morning, and the entire time while he was preparing to go on his adventure, and while she was pestering him before she found The Princess Bride on cable...

“Well she let me guess what it was, but I still couldn’t figure it out!!” Jade said, throwing up her hands in exaggerated defeat and nearly chucking her juice box across the room.

“There there,” Jake consoled her, scratching her behind the ear, (which made her grin and relax) “I’m sure it will be coming along very soon, it’s already Wednesday!”

“Yeah, I guess...” She agreed, half-closing her eyes and tilting her head into Jake’s hand, which made him chuckle. The siblings continued to watch the film in close-to silence, only piping up to contribute their opinions; “Ugh, more like Prince Humperdick!” “Oh no Westley watch out!!” “For goodness sakes’ Buttercup, what the dickens do you expect to do with a bloody stick!?!?” “Gadzooks I forgot how nasty those rodents of unusual size are! Quite the worthy adversaries!” However, soon after the Fire Swamp fiasco, right as Westley and Buttercup were surrounded by Humperdinck (Humperdiiiiiiiiiiiick!!!) and his men, the dreaded commercials once again interrupted; Jade once again switched on her phone and started to type furiously, laughing and giggling as she conversed with her girlfriend. Jake left for the kitchen, and looted the fridge for any leftover pineapple, and returned just as the commercial break ended. The afternoon went on in such a manner, for after the Princess Bride was over Jake graciously (was forced to) let Jade pick some movies from their ample collection to watch.

(“But Jade! Tomb Raider is such a classic!” “Ewww not again! We’re watching Anchorman and that’s final!” “Well.... Actually.... Okay, that’s a delightful movie too!”)

Later on, after another movie had ended, Jake checked his watch and stretched, working out the kinks in his back before he stood up and looked down at Jade. “It was fun watching movies with you Jade!! I’m going to go and converse with my friends now though, we decided on a time that was good for everyone for us to all chat together!” Jake said, patting his sister on the head as he absconded to his room to boot up his laptop.

“Okay!! Hey don’t forget it’s your turn to make breakfast tomorrow!” Jade yelled at his retreating back, turning off the Television and returning the Tomb Raider disc to its designated box. (After much pleading by Jake, they did end up watching it in the end.)

“Right-O! Pleasant dreams!” Jake yelled back, before Jade heard the audible closing of his door from the upper floor. She swiped her phone up from the table and proceeded to pester Feferi with more gift ideas that she had thought of as she plodded up the staircase to her room. (GG: Animal Crossing? CC: Guess again!) She fell onto her pile of Squiddles and other plush toys and small pillows she had laying on her floor, (she only kept the important ones on her bed) and snuggled into the pile of soft fabric as she texted, although soon it came the time where Feferi had to go to sleep. (CC: I’m glubbing –--EXHAUSTED!) Soon after they had exchanged pleasantries and virtual kisses and hugs, along with the many hearts, she was invited to a conversation with her buddies, Dave, Rose, and John, which she happily joined. The four talked long into the night, (or day, considering the different time zones) having intense discussions about the stupidest things, as was the usual.

(EB: no way, Leonardo would totally whup Thomas the tank engines ass! TG: dont underestimate the power of a train engine, I mean that shit can go fast, if Leonardo slipped it would be turtle shit all over the fucking place, a goddamn green splat that would take days for the rail cleaners to clean up. TT: Ah yes Dave, be that as it may, however what would come of the turtle shell? I find it more probable that it would bounce back and damage some of Thomas’s inner workings, or get caught in the wheels, therefore causing the engine to slip off the tracks and explode. GG: no way, what if Leonardo snuck into the engine room and i dunno, damaged the controls or the coal fire thing? then he could do a ninja turtle flip off the train and watch thomas careen off the rails and explode! Pa-CHOW!! :P TG: dammit stop ganging up on me this shit aint fair. EB: face it dave! thomas is toast!!!)

Jade finally logged off and exchanged many friendship hearts before pulling on her puppy pyjama shirt and jumping into bed with her awesome Squiddle boxers (thank you Ebay!!) covering her lower half. (Her socks were also dog-themed, portraying multiple breeds of dogs; they were a hand-knitted Christmas present from Rose.)


	2. The Present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uh yeah so Jade gets her present woo!

The next morning Jade was awoken by the cloying scent of syrup and waffles. She licked her lips and maneuvered her body out of bed, flopping onto the floor and staring at the ceiling for a moment as she attempted to gather enough willpower and energy to make it downstairs. Finally, after hearing Jake yell from the kitchen,

“I know you’re awake, I heard you fall on the floor!! Get downstairs you ninny!” and phrases along those lines for a small length of time she groaned and got up, scratching her back and thumping down the stairs gracelessly. 

“Well well well, goodness gracious do I dare believe my eyes? Might this possibly be the rare and wild Jade, coming downstairs at a reasonable time?” Jake teased as Jade slumped into a chair at the table. 

“Meh, shut up Jake I was up super late last night talking to all my friends!!” Jade whined back, staring at the bacon she saw Jake placing on a plate.

“Haha I’m only teasing, you’re usually up just as early as me! I assumed you were occupied with your internet fellows at any rate.” Jake replied, bringing two dishes, some silverware, syrup, and cups to the table before returning to the kitchen to nab the food and turn of the stove. “Oh blast it all this confounded stove never turns off when I want it to.....” He muttered as he fiddled with the dials until the light turned off, indicating that the burners were deactivated. Jade licked her lips once more as he carried the steaming pile of waffles and plate if bacon back to the table, remembering to grab some Orange Juice at the last minute. He had barely set down the plates when Jade began snatching up the food and wolfing it down. “Good heavens you’ll choke at that rate!!” Jake exclaimed as Jade looked up to give him the classic, I’m-eating-bacon-who-cares look.

“Bufr Jark, Ifs juft fo good arnd I’m hurngry.” Jade said, crumbs slipping out of her mouth as she added more portions to her plate. Jake simply rolled his eyes and hypocritically began eating in a manner similar to Jade’s, although he was a tad slower.  
Jade took a big gulp of Orange Juice to wash down the chewed-up mass in her mouth, and she and Jake began to converse about what they planned to do for the day. Jade decided to work on more of her robotics projects, while Jake was going to explore some caverns on the western side of the island.

“Be sure to pester me if you see the boat!” She reiterated multiple times, causing Jake to insist that he would watch out the ship before she even had the chance to open her mouth after a while.

Soon after Jade was sitting cross-legged on the floor, pausing in her concentrations every now and then to pet Bec, who had returned not long after breakfast, or to check her phone for messages. She briefly pondered the absence of her girlfriend’s usual good morning message, before shrugging and engrossing herself once more in her work. She was so into her electronics, that she barely noticed the knock on the door. She lifted her head and jerked it around to stare at the doorway to her building room, waiting for the knock to come again and confirm her suspicions. When it did, she let out a loud exclaim of excitement, “WOOO!! IT’S HERE!”, before dropping her project and sprinting down the spiral staircase, slipping and sliding on the wooden flooring that made up the foyer. She flung open the door, grinning like a madwoman, when she was greeted with a sight that wasn’t a sailor at all, but rather, something far more pleasing. Jade’s eyes bugged out, and her mouth dropped as her gaze swept over the strong and lithe surfer build, brightly coloured skirt and equally bright ‘Save the Turtles!’ shirt, the sun-kissed skin, the numerous amounts of colourful and dangling jewellery hanging from the neck, arms, wrists, and ankles alike, and the goggles and headband that both sat upon her face, along with her trademark –EXCITED grin.

“F....F....FEFERI!!!!!!!” Jade shrieked in happiness, squealing excitedly along with her Hawaiian girlfriend as the embraced and kissed.

“JADE!!!!!!” Feferi yelled, dropping her things to engage in the activities that were mentioned above.

“I can’t believe it!!!! Oh wow it’s just too good to be true!!!! Oh my gosh Feferi I love you so much this is the most bestest birthday present of all time!!!!!” Jade said, as she and Feferi squished themselves together.

“I’m reely happy that you were surprised!” Feferi said, as she and Jade embraced each-other with glee.

“Pfft, surprised doesn’t even begin to cover it!! Oops I guess I should let you inside huh?” Jade said, clapping her hands together and backing up to present Feferi her abode, spreading her arms to display said home.

Feferi giggled and grabbed her luggage, walking into Jade’s huge house. “Woah this place is reely pretty Jade! And it’s huge!”

“I told you we lived in a big house! Oh and I’m so sorry you had to carry that luggage all that way! I must carry up to your room,” Jade exclaimed holding out a hand to Feferi, who begrudgingly handed over everything but one decorated Squiddles bag. “I’ll take it up to one of the spare rooms, or do you want to sleep in my room?”

“Well I’d rather sleep in your room if it’s all the same to you, I’d love to spend the night together!” Feferi said, following Jade up the staircase as they conversed about all the stuff they could do together.

“Yeah there’s a cove that’s perfect for that, the sand’s soft and the waves are huge so-“ Jade was cut off from her description of the perfect surfing place by Feferi’s questioning tone;

“That’s cool and all, but..... I’ve been wondering....” 

“What?” Jade asked, tilting her head to the side and stopping to turn and look at the girl behind her.

“Are those Squiddles boxers?” Feferi asked, looking at Jades’ legs.

“I.....” Jade’s eyes widened in mortification as she realised she had forgotten to put on a skirt or pants, she was so used to lazing around in her boxers (what? They’re more comfortable than panties and stuff.) with no one but her brother around to see. (He didn’t give a darn.) “Yeah... I got them on Ebay..... I forgot to put on my skirt....” Jade said, blushing and heading for her room.

“Aw wait up sillygills! I don’t mind at all!! In fact I think they’re super neat!!!” Feferi said, stopping Jade from going to her room. “To be honest, I have Squiddles underwear!” She then proceeded to shuck off her skirt, displaying the Squiddles underwear she was currently wearing. “We can be skirtless buddies!” The surfer girl said, grinning toothily at her girlfriend’s blushing form.

Jade smiled, showing off her buck teeth, and laughed, giving Feferi a high five. “We are the skirtless wonders! Phooey on skirts!” She exclaimed, hooking arms with her giggling girlfriend.

“Today shall be known as skirtless Thursday!!” Feferi said, walking down the hall to the living room in march form.

The girls continued to giggle and make jokes as they headed to the T.V., where Jade got Finding Nemo and they laughed until their sides were sore, impersonating characters and having tickle fights. They cuddled as they enjoyed a marathon of Golden Girls episodes that Jade had on disc. (Fuck you Golden Girls is the shit don’t even fucking go there punk.) After a while, Feferi declared that she had some great songs she wanted to share, so the girls ended up dancing like wild animals everywhere, until they were so tied they had to lay out on the wooden floor, exhausted. 

As they planned what they were going to do for the rest of the time that Feferi was there, the doorknob jiggled, going unnoticed by the two girls.

“Hey Jade, did your present come?” Jake said, kicking off his boots, “I pestered you earlier but you ne....ver.....respon...ded....?” As Jake took in the scene before him, his jaw went slack and he spun around, nearly faceplanting into the door. “Jade!! I think you should do those..... Types of things in your room thank you very much!!!!” He exclaimed, rushing out the door and foregoing his shoes.

The two girls put two and two together, looking down at their bare legs and up at their still-flushed faces. 

“He thought....” Jade started.

“We were...... Woah I shore make the best first impressions!” Feferi said, bursting into laughter along with her girlfriend.

The two idiots laughed in harmony for a long time, clutching their sides, as tears leaked out of the corners of their eyes.

THE END.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah no eff this. I wrote most of this at 1 AM, running on no sleep for 48 hours and a buttload of chips. They’re ooc, I don’t even care. Goodnight. This is so bad oh my god. Fuckin heck.


End file.
